Friday, February 12, 2010

A Day of Ups and Downs's picture

Warning!!!! Complaining follows!!!

Went to the neck and back training group with physiotherapist this morning again. Tried to be more careful with my bad arm but still ended up with pain in both arms and shoulders. I felt that so many parts of my body would not work properly today and despered at the thought of how much work there is left for me before I work properly physically. So many parts have probably been used wrongly or almost not due to my chronic medical conditions and this training brings that fact up into the open. Normally one learns to do movements in a manner that avoids problems and pain, so many supportive muscles do need a lot of help before they will again work properly. SIGH. At the moment it feels like an endless job. Also my hands ache today so the weather forecast predicting more wet weather and snow this weekend is probably right.

I am very convinced that I need to continue these classes but at the moment I so do not look forward to triggering so many of my weak spots twice weekly. The very best part is the same as the worst part of these classes.

At the moment I feel totally sick and tired of fighting with my body and with pain, so I am taking a strong antiinflammatory pill and plan to go upstrairs to hide under the duvet for a couple of hours. Hopefully things will be brighter later tonight. To get better in the long run I will need to find the motivation to continue working on rehab as well as building strength also through the more painfilled periods.

[... end of complaining]

Things got better and I considered deleting the above. Then I thought, struggling is also part of the journey and editing out everything besides reports of challenges met with a happy smile from the first to the last minute is giving a false impression on how a journey like this really is. Reading this might give someone reading it later hope that they too can continue even when days like this is also part of the journey so I decided to let it stay.

Things got better partly due to the meds but also because I myself managed to mentally as well as physically do something contructive. Mentally I started thinking about psykomotoric theory which talks about how emotions can be "saved" within muscles - the body remembers and as stiff muscles are getting loosened up the emotions as well are released. When young I worked with aromatherapy and we often saw that the muscular relaxation had people in tears. To come to the point, while resting I concluded that it was possible that was one of the reasons I was so tearful earlier today. If that is the reason then me getting that emotional was a good thing because it meant that I got rid of a piece of sorrow today. Anyway, thinking that allows me to see some meaning and that is important for me when facing these challenges.

Secondly, I was very non environmental for once and spent much hot water in the shower and that combined with the meds has taken care of the brunt of the pain. :-). Also, probably a female thing, I did the big body pampering thing while there and that too is a way of lifting the spirit. It even gave me the confidence to do the horrible measurements. LOL.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a wonderful day healthwise